I love you.
Then I don’t.
I remember a long time ago in which I had a sound mind.
I thought I had it bad then.
Then some freak accident happens to me.
At lest that’s how I feel.
I’ve never been the same since.
Each day gets worse than the one before.
I can’t see any form of paradise in my view.
No Garden of Eden.
No golden cities.
Just an island inhabited by cannibals,
they eat through my flesh every night.
I hope it tastes good to them.
It does to me.
But.
Every so often I get that glimpse of peace.
I find it in the most beautiful women,
But they never stay around me.
They offer me a drink from their vial,
just to keep it away from my sight.
I only can feel vile.
Some sick fucking game.
Then.
The paranoia gets the best of me.
I guess that’s why I can’t stand a sound second.
‘They are laughing behind your back.’
‘They haven’t spoken a good word about you.’
‘No one cares about you.’
‘You are a waste of skin.’
I freak out.
I lash my tongue at them.
All because of a thought.
Then I grow myself away.
Sometimes a day.
Others a week.
I torture myself with silence.
Sometimes
I hear the voices.
They tell me to kill myself.
They tell me to kill others.
They tell me to smile at my own blood.
I pace in motion.
I see things waving at me.
I talk to them.
Then I shake their hand.
I really do.
It feels great in a sick way.
I’m sure I’ve killed you several times.
Some may have been swift.
Others I may have made you feel it.
The voices greet me.
They say I did something right.
Try and fight it.
But I only,
try to forget about you.
Erase all my feelings.
Forget all my thoughts.
Just so you can start again.
So I can start again.
I purge my mind so I don’t have to remember my pain.
So I can feel it perfectly when it comes back.
You whisper in my ear.
But in the end.
I just forget love.
I hate to say it,
but I do.
This can happen in the worst of times.
While you’re away.
While I’m with you,
You can see it when it happens.
I can only.
Get distracted.
I tone out of the real world.
I say it’s nothing,
but it’s really causing a serious pain.
Not much you can do.
Maybe just wait.
Wait and watch.
And by the time it’s over,
all you can do is hold me,
and make sure I won’t forget.
I hope you will do your best to try to save me.
