Dear Fear,
I ran into you the other day.
You had that smile that you always have.
All crooked and torn.
For a second,
I though it was good.
You never change,
nothing ever does.
You grab ahold of someone
and you never let go.
A chokehold for the better.
That’s what you always told me.
I thought that hiding myself was what was best.
That was just another of your lies.
Now I can’t get out.
I’m cautious with every person I meet.
I can’t just have a normal relationship,
all because of you,
I hide in my dark room,
till the next day comes.
Things never change,
I do the same thing over and over.
It’s killing me.
It’s driving me insane.
All I wanted was to be normal,
you couldn’t give me that.
I should have known.
I can’t stand to be alone,
yet that is what I am.
I keep pulling out my hair,
scratching at my skin,
because I swear I can feel something.
Crawling.
Twisting.
Making a cozy home within me.
Just like you.
Maybe you are what I am feeling.
You’re no physical thing.
Just some thought.
I still try to get you out.
I can’t listen to myself.
Let alone even taking care of my own body.
I just wait for the next day.
Nothing ever changes.
So why do I keep waiting?
