I’ve always thought that you could never feel happiness until you know what sadness feels like.
Today I woke up in thought of a dream I had that very same night. I had a hard time sleeping last night because I have had a lot on my mind concerning where my life will end up–seems like I think about this more and more each day. I had a dream of a woman. Not the same woman that I typically dream about but a new character in my internal visions of what could be.
This woman was a single mother with a daughter approaching the age of six, upon looking at the mother I realized that she was not even past due on her own youth and she could of even be in her early twenties. They talked to each other as if they were sisters, but the young daughter was the effect of a rape and in all reality the father was never known to the daughter or even the compassionate mother.
The entire dream contained the child’s life, of what she wanted, of what she saw of the world and of what she saw in her mother. I saw the perfect relationship, an utopia to some–maybe a hell to others–They never argued, the child never did anything wrong, as if she had a concrete desire to be perfect. She only wanted to be the vision of what she saw in her mother and that was a angel, as if the mother to Christianity herself, could have even been our own mother earth. I looked at both mother and child with the most utter respect and I could only wonder what makes a person look so perfect.
Upon watching their lives together I noticed that the relationship was the appearance of what we see as dysfunctionality. Maybe what isn’t perfect is the exact appearance of becoming perfect. Maybe everything that is wrong in this world is the exact thing that makes everything right. I’ve always thought that you could never feel happiness until you know what sadness feels like. Recently I have heard of this group that focusses on “abolitionism”. Looking up the word and everything I found that through bioethics and doing things that alter the body, their goal is to eliminate all sources of pain and suffering to do every thing to maximize happiness. I couldn’t help but think of some of the ancient pagan civilizations who focus on solely pleasure and will do nothing that can cause anguish. Im not against this present movement because I feel I don’t know all the facts and I’m sure I distorted something but living in a culture that only has happiness seems very disturbing to me.
A society that is doing everything to make it perfect is called a “utopia”. I don’t mean to make this a language lesson but I just want you to know what Im talking about. Anyway, back to the ancient civilizations and even to more recent times, people have struggled to make a perfect society. Stories like “The Scarlet Letter” or “Anthem” focus on societies who appear as a utopia but I read it and I think the story is a horror novel. I can admit, I live mostly in sadness and misery but it feels like home. I like the choice to choose everything that we do, that is what makes life worth living right? If everything was laid out in front of you and you never had a choice in any matter like what you were going to eat, who you were going to marry, how you will talk. We do have “social norms” that keep things in check and keeps everything more organized, but we still have the choice. Its our choice to follow and if I wanted to wear mascara all day and try to be a woman, I could if I really wanted to.
So going back to the woman and the child, I could only feel sorrow for them but through that I could only feel that the relationship for them was perfect. The daughter accepted everything that she was even though she was a product of disgusting actions, the fact is that she was alive. Life is very peculiar and through all the odds of having a habitual planet, living thousands of generations and eventually having a chance to actually be chosen of the thousands and become perfectly healthy within nine months and be born and actually be able to read what Im saying and living a full life, the odds are extremely slim, yet it still happens. Like winning the lottery or getting in a car wreck, though the odds are slim, it still happens.
So the young daughter realized this, at a very young age mind you, and I can only say that she was the brightest person I have ever laid eyes on. To accept that and realize what you are is just a little less of knowing on what is on the edge of the blackness that we know as “space”. Can it really go forever never ending? How could that be possible? Yet here we are, showing the same odds, nearly an impossible thing to have yet here we are. This is an odd world that we live in, with so many different possibilities and so many variables, you could never live the same life as you did previously twice even if you are reincarnated and try your hardest to do the exact same things. Make sure this one you have is what you wanted it to be, sad or happy. Keep everything that you want, throw out the bad, remember old friends, forget the bad ones. If do all that you can and try to do everything that pushes you forward, I can guarantee that when that moment comes for you to die, you will die peacefully because you know you lived a perfect life.
