I have felt so different since these pills first entered me.
The fatigue has left.
The fog is gone.
But my brain feels like its just getting worse.
I have no more room to think.
I still use that space.
Its like my mind is blank.
But is filling over with anything that could be thought of.
I’m used to it.
I can feel the emptiness and its easy to forget.
Of all this pain,
I just push it out.
Like a vacant vessel.
Sometimes it comes back to me.
I want to feel but as soon as it shows up,
I push it out.
I cant change,
I have an inability.
I dont care if it will ruin my life.
Im happy, yet so sad.
The happiness keeps me whole now.
The same emptiness that causes all my problems.
Then the pills fix the problems.
The pills are the cause.
The pills do this.
The pills rid emotion.
Thats what they are supposed to do.
Do I want to be functional?
The pills tell me no.
I know I want to
but I also don’t want to feel worse.
Choosing the perfect hell.
Like theres a choice.
No matter what happens were never happy,
Its disgusting.
I’m so glad to be so advanced,
but there is always an opposite attraction.
We are still animals,
still roam the halls.
Lost.
Window shopping for the hell we prefer.
Then you will look at it years to come.
Think you had it great,
While you are now in a hell.
That other hell was a cakewalk.
Its never perfect enough for us.
even our hell.
